Hey Arnold  Defining Moments
by Krittle-v
Summary: Some moments in our life define who we are and what path we are meant to walk.


**EPISODE: DEFINING MOMENTS**

**Some moments in our life define who we are and what path we are meant to walk. **

**This is my first fan fiction. It is only the start, but I intend on making it an emotional journey for the two main characters: Helga and Arnold. Please reivew and I am open to comments/criticism**

**Chapter 1: The Blurred Effect**

Even now I cannot recall the exact events of all those days.

Sure, there are a lot of coherent memories. I would wake up from a restless sleep in my bed at home. Take my usual seventeen minute shower. Slowly stroll to the kitchen where Olga would be preparing Big Bob's breakfast. She would casually offer me some food, usually cereal or eggs, but I was more contempt with controlling my own meals. After all, at least I got to control something in this disorder.

Then before the day had even begun we would all shuffle into Bob's over bearing hummer. What a joke of a vehicle. An obvious over compensation. If he paid half the attention to his wife as he did with this heap of metal we would probably not be in this situation.

So I would sit quietly in this combat ready tank until we arrived at the hospital. The trip always involved some pointless chatter between Olga and Bob about his prized daughter's attributes, but I would attempt drowning in my own thoughts with the occasional scoff during such exchanges.

I have always thought hospitals were more depressing than actually being diagnosed with an illness. Compared to the burning smell of the hydrogen peroxide and the cold unsettling rooms unbroken in silence apart from an odd cough or the sound of metal instruments in the background, I would rather live in ignorance of my sickness than spend little time I have left in a place like this.

I should probably explain why Miriam was even in the hospital. If you ask me, she dodged this scenario longer than most people expected. However, no one could foresee the exact circumstance that would lead her here. Simply put, too much alcohol, a few sleeping pills, a slippery bath floor and one steep fall onto the head equals severe brain injuries resulting in a coma. You may criticise me for talking like this about Miriam, but I am a lot stronger than most people give me credit.

So sure, I may not remember exactly how each day began and ended for our daily visit and progress reports with the doctor. Nor can I recall exactly what I felt each time I was there. Most likely a combination of melancholy and boredom. But I do remember the day they pulled the plug. That day is burned in my memory.

**Chapter 2: Reminiscing **

"_I will give you some time to say your goodbyes." _

The doctor's words echoed in my head like someone telling you the matrix is real and we all live in an artificial world created by machines. You just stand there in disbelief not exactly knowing what to say or do. Olga began by pouring her heart out with a deep and thoughtful farewell. You could almost hear the violin as she spoke. Bob's attempt seemed more apologetic than I would have expected. Then the room panned to me.

I don't know if it was the pressure that forced the tears or that I was actually overcome with grief as the gravity of the situation finally struck down hard, all I remember was an unbearable pain in my throat blocking my ability to breathe properly and my eyes watering uncontrollably. As the salty tears trickled down my cheeks and across my lips, I tried desperately to hold in my emotions so only small amounts seeped through the cracks. Olga moved to my side and placed her left arm around my waist and her right hand on my shoulder. At that moment, I could have fallen to my knees and let everything out. But I didn't. Little did I know that was to be saved for a later, more humiliating time and place.

I composed myself. Breathing in as much air that would fill my lungs, I stepped away from the embrace and approached the bed. All I remember hearing were the sounds of rushing air being pushed through the ventilators compressors. Placing my hand on Miriam's motionless hand laying parallel to her side, I whispered…

"Goodbye, mom."

Everything else just seems to blur. There was no slow motion montage of the doctor switching off a switch and the room fading to black like you see in the films. In fact, it all happened extremely quick. Before I knew it, we were back in Bob's tank heading home. Although this time, I wished Olga and Bob would start their imbecile chatter. The silence made my heart beat harder, made it harder to breathe.

It was dark before we arrived home. It didn't even feel like a whole day had passed. The walk into the house from the car felt like a mile trudge. I don't know what Olga and Bob felt, but for me, walking into that house was like returning to a bad memory form your childhood you so desperately tried to forget.

So now, I lay in bed attempting to get a good nights rest. I convinced Olga that I was alright to return to school tomorrow. Actually, more like I told Olga that I was going to go to school tomorrow. After all, I had spent most of the summer break at the hospital, and had even missed the first week of the new semester. She tried to persuade me to take some time and stay home, but what does she know! I was itching to get back to school.

**Chapter 3: Facades **

"Relax Pheebz, it was only a stomach flu! I am fine now." I said after almost being tackled over by Phoebe running at full pace and throwing her arms around my stomach hugging the air out of me.

"_But Helga, some of the guys said they saw you at the hospital."_

"Checkups, nothing major."

"_Oh good! I am so glad you are alright!"_

"Yes I am. Now let go!" I said prying her arms loose taking in a huge breath of air. It didn't take long until Phoebe's little outburst caused the rest of the playground to cluster. Surprisingly enough, Harold was the first to arrive on scene. Must have been a burst of preserved energy, and round boy has enough of that to go around. Followed by Rhonda, Lila, Stinky, Eugene, Lila, Sid, Nadine, Brainy, Gerald and Arnold. Then came the barrage of words,

"_Helga!" "Hey Helga!" "Where have you been?" "Are you alright_?" _"What happened? Did you punch a cop and end up in jail!"_

"Criminy! What is with the interrogation! Back off the lot of you!" With that, I just forced myself through the crowd walking straight into the school building, Phoebe close on my heels. I could hear the faint words in the background as I stomped away,

"_Same old Helga."_

The school bell chimed and everyone hurdled into class. Another semester, same old boring morning classes. I found doodling on my paper a lot more entertaining, in fact, it was the only thing keeping me from snoring. As I sat in my chair I looked around at everyone around me. Gerald was slouching back in his chair. Phoebe listening intently to the teacher and every word that escaped his lips. I don't think anything he said didn't escape her ears, nor her notepad. Rhonda was day dreaming out the window. Stinky was making spitballs with the paper from his textbook. And Arnold… oh Arnold. He was sitting two chairs in front of me. My beloved. Always so polite in class. Was there ever anymore more thoughtful and kind than him? If only you knew how much I yearned to have you in my arms… if only you could feel the desire in my heart. I moved my hand slightly over my chest to where my secret locket hung from a chain around my neck. The locket with a picture of my beloved. A small reminder of my undying devotion.

"_Helga are you alright?" _The words startled me. It was like someone just threw a book at my head. Arnold had turned around and was looking straight at me.

"I am fine football head! Turn around stop looking at me you freak!" I demanded. _"Sorry." _He said, turning slowly on his chair facing the teacher who was busy writing on the chalkboard with his back to the class. Oh how I wish I knew how to bring him closer rather than always pushing him away.

In what seemed to take an eternity, finally morning classes were over and we all fled to the cafeteria for lunch. Lunch time usually consisted of a handful of activities. Summer called for sports, winter and rain called for inside lunches and the odd lunch fight, the boys would turn into over zealous sport stars and the girls would sit in circles gossiping until their faces turned blue. I usually preferred the sports, but even though I was the only girl in the team, I played more like a man than any of them. I will never forget that time I made stinky bleed during baseball. That will teach him to keep his mitt up.

Wandering through the school halls littered with lockers to the cafeteria, I met up with Phoebe who was already eagerly waiting in line to grab tray of lunch. I joined beside her and grabbed my usually juice and sandwich. As I walked with Phoebe to a spare table I noticed Harold sitting with stinky across the room. Then as he noticed me, he screamed out across the room,

"_Hey Helga? I heard you were sick! Well maybe you shouldn't look in mirrors too long and you won't make yourself sick anymore!"_

Before Harold knew what hit him, I flung my juice box right at his head. The container basically collapsed on impact drenching him in apple and orange liquid.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. Lunchtime turned into afternoon classes as we all sat in class blankly staring at the chalk board while the information being fed to us was being absorbed and released again without any retention. Except of course, unless you were referring to Phoebe. All the more joyous when the final bell of the day chimes signaling escape. At that sound, everyone hustled to grabbed their bags and finish for the day. Before I could head out the class door, our teacher Mr Simmons called out to me.

"_Ms Pataki. Could I please see you for a moment?" Oh_ Crap! What now! I walked up to Mr Simmons who was sitting intently at his desk at the front the class.

"Yes Mr Simmons?" I said with my best enthusiastic attitude. Not. Oddly, he waited until every last student exited the class before answering my question.

"_Ms Pataki, how are things at home?"_

"Fine." I said quickly and without any emotional thought.

"_Well, I want to let you know that as your teacher, if you ever need anyone to talk to, I am here."_

"That is just great. Is there anything else?"

"_Yes. The school principal has recommended you see the school psychologist to make sure your doing ok. And I have assigned you a lesser workload of homework so you have time to take care of all your personal affairs."_

"Oh Great! Can I go now?"

"_Yes Ms Pataki."_

And with that, I marched out of the classroom feeling the urge to tip a table on my way out. As I walked to my locker I was infuriated to the point steam was erupting from my ears. Who the hell does that blubber guts think he is! Recommending I see a psychologist! Do I look like I am about to go over the edge! What nerve! Why can't all these stupid morons just leave me…

"_Helga?" _

"What the Crap football head! You don't sneak up behind someone in the hallway like that!" I was almost inside my locker from the distance I jumped when that little geek startled me.

"_Sorry."_

"Seriously! You are lucky I didn't punch straight in the face scaring me when no one is around."

"_I wanted to talk to you."_

"Oh criminy! Now what do YOU want?"

"_I um, I wanted to tell you that if you need a friend to talk to, you can talk to me."_

"What the hell are you talking about!"

"_Well, when you didn't show up to school the first week, I decided to go around your place to see if you were ok."_

"You did, why?"

"_Because you're my friend. But the thing is… when no one answered I headed home and your neighbor Mrs. Smithfield was in her yard…_

That stupid old lady is always in her yard. She is so nosey. Always in everybody else's business.

"…_and she told me that your mum was really sick and you had been going to the hospital everyday for months."_

"That crazy old bat doesn't know what she was talking about! I told you before summer holidays, I was going on a family vacation to California. And we did! And it was great."

"_Oh ok, maybe she was mistaken." _

"Yeah. So quit freaking out foot ball head."

It got a little awkward then. A good five seconds passed before either of us said anything. I don't know why I felt I had to lie. I guess a lie is a lot easier to tell than the truth.

"_Well, then I will see you tomorrow."_

"Yeap, bye." I said rolling my eyes at him as he turned away walking down the hallway to the exit.

**Chapter 4: Confusion**

"_Hey Arnold there you are!" _

"Hey Gerald" I said as I walked down the front steps of the school to where Gerald was waiting.

"_Man, what took you so long? Were you stuck walking behind Harold or something?'"_

"Ha! No I was just checking something." I exclaimed with a slight smirk across my face.

"_Ok man, lets go."_

It was a daily school ritual with Gerald. We would always walk home together after school. Granted we weren't exactly neighbors, but with a best friend like Gerald it was always worth that extra ten minutes.

"Gerald?"

"_Yeah Arnold?"_

"Do you think something is wrong with Helga?"

"_Dude, I could not begin to list what is wrong with Helga." _Gerald gave me a face which would be the same face plastered on a comedian who just delivered what he considered a hilarious punchline.

"No Gerald, I'm serious. Something seems a little strange to me."

"_Well it was a pleasant summer considering she went on that vacation and all, and then took the first week off. Maybe she's just settling back into school days. It has been a while."_

"Yeah that's true. But it's strange. She said she went to California during the summer. But she is pale, no tan, like she spent the whole summer indoors."

And it was true. She was pale. Actually, she looked like she had lost weight since the school broke for summer vacation. I wouldn't tell Gerald this, but it wasn't just how she looked that bothered me. It was what I felt when I first saw her in the morning. When I saw Phoebe rush and hug her, and everyone gathered around her asking questions, I swear I thought I saw something unsettling in her eyes. Before of course, before she screamed like a hyena at everyone to back off. But that look, it was something that was very familiar to me. Even though I am so lucky to have my Grandma and Grandpa in my life, sometimes I feel like part of my life is missing and a part of me as a consequence. The hole inside is hard to explain, so I don't even try explaining it to anyone, especially my grand parents. I wouldn't want to make them feel upset or guilty that I feel they are insufficient parent figures. In fact, it is the opposite. I can't imagine anybody more caring than them. But it is the state of not knowing and being kept in the dark that is the real discomfort.

"_Hey man, relax ok. Helga is a big girl, she can take care of herself." _Gerald's words were slightly shocking. Not because of what he said, but because they woke me from my thoughts and I realised I was actually outside my front stoop.

"Sorry Gerald, guess I spent a little too long in my head there."

"_Don't worry about it man, it's cool. I'll catch you tomorrow!"_

With that, we did our secret best friend handshake and he turned to walk down the street. I could already smell the cats, dogs and pig that resided in the boarding house. It wasn't a foul smell, just a smell of that only an owner of a pet would recognise. As I turned the knob to the front door to enter, the animals rushed outside almost knocking me over in their flurry. I was sure my pet pig abnerwas mainly responsible. He loved to chase the neighborhood cats.

I strolled inside and headed straight to the kitchen. I was craving an after school pop tart and it had to be strawberry. I would have settled for apple, or any other sweet fruit right now, but anything else but strawberry I know I would have been disappointed. And just my luck, as I searched the pantry from top to bottom, nothing but apple. Dam. It was then that I noticed on our slightly rusted fridge humming away in the background stuck by an old statute of liberty magnet was a note addressed, "Dear Arnold." It was definitely my Grandma's writing. It was clearly distinguishable by its illegibility. "Dear Arnold, please pickup some milk on your way home. Love Gram." I almost could not contain my laughter at the fact Grandma left me a note to pickup milk from the corner store before I got home from school… at home. Nevertheless I picked up the loose change she had left me on the dinner table and headed out to the store.

It wasn't a long walk to the store, just down the street. Plus, while I was there I thought I might as well stock up on our dwindling supply of pop tarts. Passing the neighborhood houses, hearing the background mumble of people talking inside, I could see the store just ahead with various fruit stands displayed on the outside front display windows. As I strolled to the front of the store, I could hear a familiar voice escalating inside.

"_Keep the change bucko! You look like you need it more than me!" _And with that, Helga handed what looked liked various items of loose change to the store clerk, picked up a brown paper bag with little effort and headed out the front door.

"_Arnold? What are you doing here? Are you stalking me now… is that it!" _She said, staring me down as she stood in the front doorway of the store.

"No, I just needed to buy a few things."

"_Oh, well bye then."_

"Wait wait hold up." I said trying to stop Helga mid stride as she was heading away from the store.

"_What?"_

"What are you doing here? This store is quite far from where you live, and there is another store closer to your house anyway"

"_That is none of your business. But if you must know, they sell my favorite chocolate." _She mocked holding up her newly acquired paper bag, shifting it from left to right in front of my face. She almost made me feel like an imbecile for asking, like I should have known this corner store sold her favorite chocolate.

"Oh, I didn't know that."

"_Well, now you do. So I am going to go home, and enjoy it." _Without even waiting from any response from me, she turned and walked off. She can be so annoyingly aggressive sometimes. But I know she doesn't mean half the things she says. If she did, everyone at school would receive ten times the amount of punches they currently get from Helga. But it's odd, sometimes she can actually be quite nice, and when she is, she is ok to be around.

Before I could see Helga out of sight, I turned and headed into the store. I walked down to the refrigerators and picked out Grandma's preferred soy and omega enriched milk, and my preferred strawberry pop tarts from the shelf and shuffled the items to the counter. I placed them in front of the clerk, who gave me a welcoming smile. He was a nice guy. I shopped here often and he was always polite. The common big jolly man. It was then I noticed a pair of keys on the side of the counter. I picked them up, handing them to the clerk.

"I think someone accidentally left these here."

"_Oh, those must belong to that blonde girl. I think she placed them here when she dug into her pockets for change. She so very generously tipped me a quarter." _He said with a very clear sarcastic tone. It was obvious Helga had not won him over with her charming ways.

"Hey can you please hold these for me. I am just going to run these to her."

"_Suit yourself kid." _

I then quickly headed outside the store and rushed down the street running at my top speed to catch up to Helga. I knew she wouldn't appreciate the effort, but the keys looked like house keys, and if she had to go home and come all the way back to the corner store to get them and found out I knew her keys were there, I am sure some sort of punishment would await me tomorrow at school.

**Chapter 5: Confessions**

As I walked away from the corner store, I could feel his eyes burning a hole into my back. All I felt at that moment was disgust. Two for two today. Arnold asks you two questions, both have to be an utter lie. I don't know why I feel I have to lie about my problems. Is it really that hard to say that I wanted to be as far away from home as I could because I feel like I am drowning when I am there?

I turned the corner of the street at the end of the laneway and paused for a moment. As I was now out of sight of the corner store, I leant against the corner brick wall just to take a breath. I didn't need the time out for a reason of physical exertion, more to just compose myself, and criticise myself. Reaching into the top of my dress, I pulled out my locket with the picture of Arnold. I held it close to my face as if I was in a Shakespearean play and the locket was a human skull.

"Oh Arnold, Arnold my beloved. Why… why must I always push you away when right now I need you more than ever! Why must my heart speak only when you are too far to hear. Is it wrong to be in love this way? My sweet angel I am tortured every day by this big secret that I am in lov….

"_Helga?" _

"AHHH!" I screamed almost dying of sudden shock. My whole body leaped almost two feet forward from the wall I was leaning on. My fingers clasped and my eyes bulged and in all the fluster and confusion, I dropped the locket. The locket made an awful metal sound as it crashed against the cement sidewalk, and then like a slow motion movie trailer, I saw the locket fumble across the gutter of the street and down the drain.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID FOOT BALL HEAD! MY LOCKET!" I yelled falling to my knees near the drain looking desperately down the dark pit seeing nothing but black.

"_Helga, I am so sorry! I didn't mean to startle you, I didn't mean to make you drop your… um"_

"My LOCKET you stooge!" I said with a clenched right fist. Standing up and moving three centimeters from Arnold's face I squinted my eyes in a most threatening stare.

"I hope you are happy now!"

"_I… I… I was just bringing you back your keys you left in the store."_

He handed me my house keys. I was slightly bewildered for a moment considering I was thoughtless enough to leave them there.

"Who cares about my keys after this!" I screamed pointing my index finger to the dreaded drain hole. This is a freaking nightmare I thought rolling my eyes and slapping my hand to my forehead.

"_I am really sorry Helga. Look, ill go down there and get your locket."_

"Are you crazy! You can't go down there." I said grabbing his left arm stopping his attempts at moving toward the drain hole.

"There are rats and sewage and… alligators down there!"

Actually, I didn't care about the alligators. In fact, I wanted my locket back more than anything else right now. I treasured it so much and that locket made me feel like I had a piece of Arnold's love everywhere I went. A small amount of love in my life that could get me through another day. But I knew if Arnold went down there to get it, he would definitely see the picture inside it and there would be no lying that could explain why I had a picture of Arnold in a love shaped locket. My big dark secret would be out and everyone would ridicule and mock me!

"_Come on Helga, there are no alligators. Relax I'll just quickly jump down and…"_

"That is it! Why don't you just listen to me! I said forget about it." Suddenly I realised the tone in my voice was more like pleading than demanding. All of a sudden, I started to feel so emotional that Arnold was going to find out my big secret, I felt overwhelming distress to say the least. I tugged on his left arm a little harder making him move back onto the sidewalk.

"You are just like everybody else! You never listen! You are always so wrapped up in your own selfish needs you never see what I want, what I need. Well guess what I need things too!"

"_Helga what is wrong?"_

Tears started to swell in my eyes and I felt like I was about to rip out of my own skin. I turned my back to him, head bowed down facing the brick wall.

"You don't care… and what does it matter anyway?"

"_Helga, I do care. I am your friend and you do matter."_

With that I turned to face him. I can't imagine how swelled my face was, how much my eyes had turned a bloodshot red. I leant my back against the wall, letting gravity move me down slowly until I was sitting. And with one deep breath I said what my whole being had been refusing to accept.

"She died Arnold. She died."

I buried my face in my crossed arms that were leaning against my knees. I couldn't even bring myself to look Arnold in the face to see his reaction or his puzzled expression if he was wondering what I was even talking about. As I sat there feeling like my whole world was crashing down around me, I felt a the slow movement of another body sitting next to me followed by an arm stretching across my back and a warm hand placed softly upon my right shoulder.

Talking through my own arms without flinching my head I whispered, "And do you know what the worse part is?"

"_What?"_

"I feel like I am dead inside because she died, and I don't feel sad. Like at all. I know she wasn't the best mother, but she was still my mother. What kind of a monster doesn't feel anything when their own mother dies?"

"_You are not a monster. Don't say that. You are a kind hearted person and you are just being strong. You just need time."_

As we both sat there I let the tears roll down my face, not moving my bowed head from my arms. I had never felt like I didn't have control over my own emotions more than this moment. Time didn't seem to matter and I didn't even realise the sun had begun to set over the buildings of Hillwood and whether by reflex action or inhibitions I murmured in a voice only a highly tuned listening device could detect, "I love you."


End file.
